People who represent the so called Art World, what do they represent exactly?  Free expression, some kind of all-embracing goodness or themselves only, chains of institutions, chains of friends? Am i part of the art world, and other people who do art as well? But of course. So why does it feel so distant and unfamiliar? It’s probably my fault. I have an attitude problem and i laugh too laud, also i talk of unproper issues like welding, how about gardening, now there’s a good topic. I have heard such people (troubled) don’t succeed, but i look fuckable even though he loves his wife. Now i LOL. Overheard piece of conversation. How nice. No, i didn’t fuck him. I felt sick.
Is it a question of doing it, living, experiencing, buying, viewing, being professional, understanding, talking, existing, being in some exact place, knowing the right people, getting in, fucking, doing a lot, never little or small, or not at all, what? What is Art world? It’s not the world we live in? Is it isolated? And who can enter? Because when entering, i’m the outsider, poor me. Like i sometimes leave it. In my mind i never do, leave art i mean. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, of course suspicion is a healthy reaction and some artists are like that. Like what? Odd? This is what i have heard. Freedom of speech and expression is what i expect in the arts, i also expect honesty and fairness without bullying. Why do i bother myself with these simple questions? Because constantly i face injustice and i have to fight it. I question why do art, why is it done, for whom? Why i do art? I have no other choise. Art is a problem to be solved, world to be solved and to know. There is so much to know. And i do feel sick. Sick of it all.

!if You got provoked, good.

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No nii, heti kun rupesin aatteelliseksi, niin meni tylsäksi tämä juttu. Muutaman päivän olen pyöritellyt peukaloita, nostanut jalat pöydälle, luovuttanut, aloittanut, ei huvittanut ja miettiny, että mitäköhän sitä. Se vasta turhauttavaa, ei jaksa, poltin pari tupakkia, ei sekään mistään kotoisin. Ei tod. Juu lenkille metsään, hankeen, sillai et sukat kastuu, keuhkot verillä, henki ei kulje. Minua ajaa takaa, eteenpäin hylätyksi tuleminen, hiljaisuus, kaiku, isän kasvot (siinä, sanoin sen), jättää minut ja ei jätä, ideat, luojan kiitos luovuudesta, taiteesta, kukat kukista, ajatuksista, olen niin kiitollinen, ihmisistä, olemassaolosta. Ai, miksi sanoa ääneen se pahin, niinkuin uhri, mä uhraan itseni, koska on olemassa jotakin parempaa jossakin ja minussa. Mun on se löydettävä, aina vaan parempi minä. Miten olis vähemmän töksähtelevä. Emmätiiä se on yks mun hyvistä puolista.